First of all, it’s clearly not January! This is a overdue post indeed.
Even though ~the apps~ aren’t a part of the art we consume, they’re a standard part of life today. So many people meet their significant others through apps. Especially since the pandemic, apps are the easiest way to meet someone. But they are, in my opinion, the worst.
One of the great joys in life is striking up a conversation with a stranger who you’re attracted to. Flirting is fun. You have just enough nervous adrenaline to keep up a clever banter. You can play off your conversation partner’s chemistry to move a conversation in new and exciting directions. The magic of that first interaction is the key to everything else that comes afterward. It’s spontaneous and exhilarating. And it’s not really about the words you say - it’s about the vibes. As a vibes-forward person, dating apps have really drained the fun of meeting new people.
It should go without saying that I am NOT condoning talking to random strangers in the middle of a grocery store or when they clearly do not want to be bothered!
Dating apps are a business. I’ve avoided apps for a long time because I loathe the business model. (Also because too many straight men are bitch boys, sorry!) These companies commodify the human need to connect with others in this world. But they’re almost a necessity in this post-pandemic world.
Swiping through profiles of people that an algorithm estimates you might like is a soulless chore. You see how people portray themselves rather than who they are. At least 70% of communication is non-verbal. You only get 30% of an interaction on a dating app. And all to find people you want to share some intimacy with, even if it’s just one sexual encounter. That’s so much to put on one person. It’s difficult to tell if someone gives off bad vibes through a screen.
But, back to capitalism because that’s the real villain here.
These apps want you to have awful interactions! You’re a pile of data that they can use to make money. And the more you use their apps, the more money they make. And they get data that you don’t even know they’re collecting. If you have other apps connected to your profile, or you authorize (knowingly or unknowingly) these apps to collect data on your off-app activity, you’ve given them more money. Every dating app doesn’t really encourage relationships. They prey on your need to connect to fill their pockets.
And as if that’s not enough, dating apps also close off parts of their apps for paid users only - and sometimes those features seem like the key to making meaningful connections. Yet, if we take the logic of dating apps to their logical conclusion, it’s another ruse. You’re just giving them more money for little return.
We all have friends who met their significant others on apps. But capitalism needs a few success stories to insist on its viability. Dating apps are just one of the many ways businesses have commodified human existence. Social media companies have commodified friendship similarly. Online therapy apps commodify mental health. Health apps commodify basic survival. Our existence in this online world is nothing but a collection of dollars.
Capitalism takes the joy out of all of this. Dating, and really, being a person, is supposed to be fun. But we now live in a world where we are the product. Like coal reserves in 18th century England, we are a resource to be extracted for every penny.
You can find hundreds of articles about people exhausted with the song and dance of it all. I’m not writing a revolutionary piece. We all recognize that this is a terrible way to find love. There must be a better way.
After writing this, I also found this lovely post from Essy Knopf about dating apps! These apps will give over data about people’s reproductive rights, their faith (looking at you, apps tailored to Muslim Americans), and sexuality (Grindr) to authorities who want to punish people for existing.
Anyways, if you need me, I’ll be here: